86 responses to “21.5.17”

  1. polly says :

    No doubt Lakeland will soon bring out a penis toaster bag to prevent things like that happening.

  2. JamesFrance says :

    Justy: stupid man – burn, burn !

    As for the vacuum cleaner, well, this, one can … dare I say understand a little more than a toaster ? Deep waters of which I feel I should pull the tiller away from. No gigglse, Sleeps, doobel-entendre champ πŸ™‚

    All the toaster confirms is we human beings are foolish enough πŸ™‚

  3. JamesFrance says :

    And tangentially, I saw this fantastic film ! Go and see this, everyone:

    Not giving the plot away at all: A princess and her general in disguise try and escape enemy lines with loads of gold. Simple comics help them.

    Great, as I said. There’s … well, try and get hold of it and have a look.

    The Seven Samurai: This one of my all time favourite movies. The second rate cheapskate samurais defending a village. Remade as “the magnificent seven” I think it was, as a western. Not bad.
    See the Kurosawa original πŸ™‚

    Now: To cook !

  4. justamentalpatient says :

    If only the Graun had someone to test kitchen gadgets, poll.

    I do know a bloke whose nickname is Dyson, james. I kid you not.

  5. JamesFrance says :

    p.s. “to cook” could be interpreted in a saucy way, following these degenerate Toaster and Hoover fanciers.

    It’s no such thing. This means “to kitchen to cook rice & beans & ‘erbs (no magic ‘cept the ordinary every day sort).”

  6. emmachisset says :

    i dare say there’s a simple explanation, maybe he was standing on the table wearing a dressing gown, to change the lightbulb, and he slipped on a stray pat of butter and fell, his dressing gown opening and he landed on the toaster

  7. JamesFrance says :

    Justy, is this “Dyson” a bit of a domestic electrics fancier, then ? A bit of a thing for blenders, perhaps ? A soft spot for electric blankets, maybe (though I have not worked out why or how, just thought I’d throw that in there).

    The mind is boggling πŸ™‚

  8. emmachisset says :

    my ‘cooking’ for the evening involves opening a tin of haggis,

    ( tho i’m proving fougasse and boiling chickpeas for tomorrow ),

  9. emmachisset says :


    “Speaking of the vicar, A & E nurse Trudi Watson, of Sheffield’s Northern General Hospital, said: “He explained to me, quite sincerely, he had been hanging curtains naked in the kitchen when he fell backwards on to the kitchen table and on to a potato.
    “But it’s not for me to question his story. He had to undergo surgery to have it removed.”
    She advised anyone tempted to use such objects in sex games to think again.”

  10. emmachisset says :

    on a similar theme the Sun once reported a Russian soldier who had a live hand grenade removed

    from what i’ve heard of life in their army, it probably wasn’t self inflicted.

  11. polly says :

    I think out of the two, I’d prefer a potato. Though I suppose the Russian thought he’d had his chips as well.

  12. Paul says :

    Eating chocolate on a warm day is never a good idea.Apologies in advance if things get a bit windy.

  13. Paul says :

    A nurse friend who worked in A&E once told me of her surprise at the number of men presenting themselves there with objects stuck up their arses.Don’t remember her saying anything about anyone with a hand grenade stuck up there mind.

  14. Paul says :

    Doctor,i ran into the kitchen bollock naked and tripped up and landed on this cucumber which just happened to be standing up on the floor..And now i can’t get it out.

  15. polly says :

    I would have thought A&E nurses were completely inured to human stupidity….

  16. polly says :

    But if you have to attend A&E with a vegetable up your bum, I can’t really see the point in lying about how it got there….

  17. Paul says :

    Or a fruit even Polly.Let’s not discriminate.

  18. Paul says :

    Wonder how many gerbils met their maker up Richard Gere’s jacksey ?

  19. polly says :

    The life of a gerbil is rarely a happy one.

  20. Paul says :

    Or mars bars melted up Marianne Faithful’s front botty.

    Doubt she would have gone to A&E to get any confectionary removed .Would have gone private.

  21. Paul says :

    Not my thing at all but different strokes and all that.



  22. polly says :

    Apparently the mars bar thing is an urban myth, but it would surely melt anyway…..

  23. justamentalpatient says :

    Dyson was caught in the act. Ahem!

    Thing up bums, Eh? Candles are popular with Cattylick priests, I’m told. Heard some amusing stories, including a screwdriver (handle first) and DIY, and a glass bottle covered in cling film.
    Ladies with Impulse cans was a bit of a front bottom thing a while back.

    Gawd, I miss theatres!

  24. emmachisset says :

    Lemmiwinks !

  25. xenium1 says :

    Ha! Just as I predicted – πŸ˜‰ – we won & Madrid won, so they get the league. Well, it’s only right. They’ve paid for it…

    Ne’er mind, our game ended with a Messi goal started & finished only he knows how. And we’ve got the Copa final next Saturday… πŸ™‚

  26. polly says :

    “Ladies with Impulse cans was a bit of a front bottom thing a while back.”

    Well they were only acting on impulse

    (sorry, couldn’t resist).

  27. polly says :

    Screwdrive handle first makes a reasonable amount of sense, since the other way you’d risk DIY disembowelling.

  28. polly says :

    “Dyson was caught in the act. Ahem!”

    Was it actually a Dyson though or a generic vacuum cleaner? Though I suppose ‘Argos value bagless’ doesn’t have the same ring to it.

  29. polly says :

    Well I have hair to colour, and a detective novel from the Works 3 for Β£5 section to finish, so night all.

  30. justamentalpatient says :

    He was doing DIY and dropped the screwdriver before falling.

    Obviously, the screwdriver landed point down in something able to hold it in that position and his botty was somewhat exposed when he fell onto it…

    As any DIYer knows, that is very common.

  31. xenium1 says :

    Country at the Beeb on Beeb4. Lovely… πŸ™‚

  32. cyanbloo says :

    ha you cheeky lot with your bare cheeked ribaldry. πŸ˜€

    emma, re the vicar, i wonder did anybody point out that if he didn’t have any curtains up in his kitchen standing naked in front of the window was dodgy in itself.

    xen congrats on the booklaunch

    nighty night peeps

  33. fiftyoneandabitmorenow says :

    I haven’t spent any time in A&E, not for anything. I decided to take to my bed for the weekend with just mineral water and bananas, I was knackered and all bad headed. I’m up too early now though so that’ll prob be me asleep by Corrie again ….

    Clocks, must be worrying, when I was on something I was told not to floss because of possible damage to gums from the floss, have you been told the same? Hope you’re ok now.

    Emms, my wifi laptop and printer refused to speak to each other after a Windows 10 update. I had to uninstall all printers then go to my printer manufacturer’s site and download a new driver for it and re-install. I know nowt about Bluetooth and if it can be affected in the same way, W10 gets a lot of updates when you’re not looking though, so may be worth a try?

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