woop n that
I know desde from another site, under a different name, and appreciate how crap her own experience has been. She has also taught me a lot and been pretty damn sound to muggins.
Which is one reason I didn’t want any disagreement between two people I like and respect to become a Thing.
And I hope it doesn’t get silly.
I don’t think 51 knows desde, FWIW. Which is why this misunderstanding is such a shame, there is more good and more knowledge in both of them than people realise.
I suspect if they bumped into each other IRL they would get along well.
But the tintywebs hampers communication in weird ways.
Damn you, you fiendish chow!
Sleeps ,unless you actually know someone in real life it’s impossible to know whether what you read online from posters is fact or fiction.
Over on cif i’ve locked horns with posters who claim to be experts in this that or the other and who start giving advice which i know is factually incorrect.For instance one bloke who claimed to be a Welfare Rights Officer once advised this poster ,who was badly stressed out by her job ,that she should consider giving it up and signing on for JSA.Which anyone with even a cursory understanding of the entitlement criteria for claiming JSA would know could be like jumping from the frying pan into the fire.For you can be penalised from claiming JSA for up to sixk months if you’re sacked from a job for gross misconduct or you walk out of a job without being able to prove to JCP that you had a really good reason for dong so .
The reason i mention this is because i’ve known Desde online for quite a while now and she’s a consistantly good poster on issues she knows a lot about.And i don’t think the motives for her posts to 51 were based on spite.For as you may know Desde is being treated for cancer herself and she felt it wasn’t right that 51 was sharing information about her treatment which she felt was inaccurate. And that it could be potentially misleading for people reading it.Now i rarely read 51’s posts and i don’t know exactly what she wrote.And even if i did i don’t have the knowledge to know whether it was true or not.But i do have enough respect for Desde to know she’d never come this site looking to pick a fight with 51 out of spite or sheer.malice.And i suspect deep down you know that yourself.
Anyway Ms Chow i hope the trials and tribulations you’re dealing with in real life are getting sorted.
Yes, I saw that one. What a muppet!
I don’t think anyone has suggested spite or malice on desdes part. And I would defend her against such accusations. It really is not her style.
As you haven’t read 51s posts, I’ll provide a brief overview; she has had a good experience of treatment and in public demonstrated a sense of humour and stoicism about it. It’s a coping strategy.
As we both know, desde has had a really shitty experience of treatment.
They have both told their truth, their experience.
There is a difference between telling people the other way it can work and implying that a person is telling fibby poos when they are not.
As 51 did not say some of things attributed to her, it’s most likely to be a misunderstanding and possibly misdirected anger, who knows?
Most of us would be a huge ball of rage if we had their lives.
But this can be let go. It’s done. Maybe they will take the time to get to know each other better. Maybe not. Nobody benefits from stirring the pot.
They are both good people.
Nobody benefits from stirring the pot.
To my knowledge no-one’s been guilty of stirring the pot.Just ensuring both sides are fairly represented.
It’s a pity that desde hasn’t had her say, today.
I certainly hope that she returns soon.
It’s a pity that desde hasn’t had her say, today
Given the responses she got from a minority of CU posters on the 8 November thread she may have felt she wouldn’t have got a fair hearing .
Anyway like you i hope she doesn’t feel inhibited from posting here in future.And if she disagrees with anything 51 or anyone else has to say she has a right to say so.As does 51 and everyone else in response.
May I put out a (directed) statement? (Harry did)
Desde, I know nothing about you but you seem well liked and respected. I say to everyone, if you get the “c bomb” mine is the best to get, it has money hurled at it.
I have told no lies, here or elsewhere.
Stuff I was told about my particular cancer I was given a path for further info.. it had different signposts once I got into it, of course it did. I stuck to what I knew were reputable sources, that stopped me panicking.
I cried every day, I was not “blithe” but I was not going to think it was a death sentence. Years ago it was. What I was told day after day was that if you have to get the “c” bomb, this is the one to get, there is money and research thrown at it.
As someone (Justa) said, one of my coping mechanisms is humour. Another is coming to CU where you’ll find me pretty much every day if you want to. I am so, so sorry that your experience has not been as positive as mine has been. I have not had the “all clear”, I don’t know if I ever will, I know after the 2nd surgery and a disfigured breast they got all the tumour. I will prob have to go into Morriston to have it put right in time but bottom line, they got the tumour. For that, yes I am enormously grateful and my 80 yr old Mum got pissed on my first night out of the year. Because I was there, on a night out, my first of the year. I was out again last Sat, 2 nights out in a year, yes I have been ill.
It is a dreadful disease and it comes in many guises. I fought it, I continue to fight it.
How do I know we never got cancer for the last 100 years? Cos my Mum (my best friend) is 80 and she knew them all except her maternal grandfather who got blown up WW1. Family joke is cancer never gets us, the heart disease gets us first. Which says nowt other than we laugh in the face of adversity.
Which doesn’t mean we don’t cry, too.
You have all my very best wishes, Desde. I have not told untruths about my treatment or how it was facilitated. I am enormously grateful and relieved for where I have got to. I determined I would not die from this although during taxotere I once prayed I would, the pain was that bad.
I hope a line is drawn. I withdraw my request for a ban.
Sorry but finally, of course my chemo buddy who had the BRCA gene needed more treatment than I did. For a start she needed double mastectomy, fallopian tubes and ovaries removed but way before that, bone scans and to begin, the genetics tests. That is someone I know in my real world. And you have no idea how fabulous she is. Children of 3 and 7? Look at them every day and know “mummy has an awful thing”? She is my hero. But you know what, one of her babies is a girl. How do you even start to think about that?
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